Sleeping Habits
by cobalt kitty
Summary: Heero stays up one night and ponders his thoughts about the braided boy. Why do all of his thoughts lead him back to Duo? Shonen ai


Disclaimers: I have no bishonen. Just a dog that resembles a rat, and you can't have him. Get your own mutated rat. J/k!  
  
Archived: Yume Maxwell-Yuy (www.geocities.com/maxwell_yuy2002/)  
  
Warning: very mild language, romance, sap/fluffx10000, shonen ai/yaoi, OOC, Hee-chan's POV, and...that's it.   
  
Notes: Yeah...um...I don't know about this, I just thought it up out of boredom. Heero watching Duo sleep. Sweet stuff here. Ah well, tell me if it blows. Honestly, I've never done anything like this before. Oh well, always a first time for everything. Hm, never thought I'd say that. Well, I like this thing, anyway...Enjoy!  
  
  
~!~!~!~!~  
  
  
Sleeping Habits  
  
  
~!~!~!~!~  
  
  
I lay face up listening to the soft snores. The soft snores of the body from the bed 4 feet and 6 inches from mine. Snores from the body of Duo Maxwell. My stoic face watch the other's chest rise and fall at the same rate as my own. I observe Shinigami while he slumbers. I did this every chance I could, watching the braided boy was one of my personal favorite hobbies...If you must know something, scares the hell out of me it does.  
  
My sleeping habits.  
  
My damn sleeping habits.  
  
Why did I enjoy looking at this boy before me? What's the difference between Duo and the many other males I have seen? How was Duo able to melt the icy wall around my heart and emotions? Why did he do it in the first place?  
  
Those questions and so many more echoed through my head nearly all the time. I didn't understand what Duo was trying to do to me. Why he had wanted to befriend a cold soldier like myself is beyond the extent of the little knowledge that I possess. But he did. And I don't know whether to cry because I feel so pitiful or laugh manically because I feel that he's wasted his time. Then again, I think to myself, I don't want to laugh and I don't want to cry. I don't know what I want. I don't see him as an obstacle, he's not in the way of anything, in fact since he is a pilot as I am, he's helping me. So he cannot be an obstacle. The only obstacle I know of is myself.  
  
...or maybe I just don't want him to be an obstacle.  
  
This pilot who lay sleeping in the next bed is a distraction, a comfortable one at that. I can't help but...enjoy? Is that the word? I enjoy being around him? I enjoy being pestered and annoyed by this boy?  
  
I sigh to myself. I have to admitt, I am confused.  
  
I hate being confused.  
  
The moonlight from the slightly opened window shines upon Duo's face. I unintentionally lick my lips, I assure you, it was not my brain who was controlling me. Chikusho, he's so...beautiful. Much more than Relena or anybody else I have seen. I'll give him that much. He's pure beauty. I used to think boys were not beautiful, now I'm thinking again. *DUO* is beautiful. Chestnut locks stray from his traditional braid, his pale skin is lit with moonlight. His body is as lean as mine. I could tell that the boy has grown since I saw him last which is not fair. He looks down at me when we're walking or talking. But it can't be helped. It must be an American thing.  
  
I can't help but think he is charming. His smiles and grins get the girls he wants. He's a smooth talker, somehow he always induces me to do all of the things that he wants us to do. Lately, I've spent more time with him than with my 'god damned precious' laptop as he would say. My laptop, since we've been here, I've only worked on it sparsely for five hours maximum. In my free time, he has taken me to the mall, movies, park, and many other places. I am only reluctant because we are still on a mission.   
  
Can someone tell me why he bothers?  
  
I have found out that if I am the first person he asks to go out somewhere 'for fun' as he says. If I do refuse and threaten to kill him, he finds a girl to fill in my spot as soon as I flat out deny his offer.   
  
If he could find a girl to replace me so quickly, then why doesn't he just go out with the girl? It would save him many moments to be with the person instead of pointless nagging.  
  
Baka.  
  
I find my self approaching the boy in his thought to be peaceful somnolence. It's not peaceful, it never has been. It's always the same thing over and over again plaguing his dreams and his sleep.   
  
He mutters about the Maxwell church.  
  
I am at the edge of his bed gazing down upon him as he twists, tosses, and turns. I can't help but feel saddened; at day the boy is cheery and carefree, but by night be is bogged down with horrid memories. He's not the only one. Why do you think I stay up half the night to watch him?  
  
Damn sleeping habits.  
  
"Sister...!" he breaths as the bed bouces from his turns. It's an angered, yet frightened breath. He gasps and knits his brows in fury, "Stop!" he says, "Stop it!" he is sweaty and the little tanktop he is wearing clings to his soaked chest. He then coughs and chokes on a sob.  
  
I frown, he never speaks of his past. I probably wouldn't ever know what he's dreaming about. All I know is that he is in a devestatingly pained memory because Duo Maxwell doesn't cry...   
  
I debate whether to wake him or not. If I do, he will probably stay awake the remaining four or five hours of the night which could interfere with his preformance in reference to the mission. If I don't, I can continue my hobby of watching him. I decide not to, I suppose he needs to face his past, to get over it. Like I have with mine. Forget about everyone. No attachments, no feelings, no problem...isn't that what Dr. J has technically tried to teach me? In my opinion, he didn't do a good job of drilling.  
  
I used to think that with all of the training I have undergone, that I would never be afraid of anything that came my way.  
  
But I am now.  
  
I sigh again, I like being close to Duo, I don't know why. I feel...safe. One of the few things I ever am around anyone, but Duo's different. I feel too much now. And I have that braided baka to blame. I don't know why, and I don't know how. Despite all of the academic course I have been taught at young ages, I don't know anything.  
  
I realize, I'm still a kid.  
  
So is Duo.  
  
But I don't feel like one.  
  
I don't know whether to damn Dr. J for not doing a good enough job of voiding me from emotion, or Duo for melting my icy features within weeks.   
  
I damn both.  
  
Ten years to build, ten weeks to crumble. I feel like a bridge that wasn't assembled correctly.  
  
He lets out quiet moans and whimpers, but slowly calms himself.  
  
I, cognizing my current posistion, have unconsciously cupped the side of his face with my hand.  
  
What am I doing? I ask my self. What AM I doing? Never in the years I have observed Duo Maxwell touched him in anyway. Why have I done so now? I attempt to pull my hand away, but is stopped when I notice that he is applying pressure on the hand and pressing it closer to his tear-stained cheek.  
  
"Heero......." he whispers.  
  
I panick as he says my name, does he know what I do at night? Does he know I'm here with him? Is he awake?  
  
He sighs and snores quietly. His hand on mine slacks and he rest peacefully, for now.   
  
He's still asleep, I sigh in relief. Like I have said before, I have never touched Shinigami while he sleeps, but I find myself caressing his cheekbone. his skin is soft and smooth under my hand, I know I shouldn't have, but I did. I couldn't resist. The temptation was too great, it overwhelmed me, swallowed me whole. In the words of Duo Maxwell...'I'm in over my head'. Shimatta. Demo, also in the words of that braided boy from L2, 'Oh well, ya win some, ya lose some, ne'. I began brushing his brown bangs from his forehead away from his closed eyes.   
  
My forefinger lingers over his facial features. I shiver as I trace his lips, they are soft too, softer than his skin yet still firm in some sense. I can feel the warm breath he breathes against my fingertip. My bottom lip trembles involuntarily, there's nothing I can do about that. I continue to touch my finger to his lips, I don't want to stop. I...I--  
  
Hell, I feel pleasure in touching them...him.  
  
"Duo..." closing my eyes, I say and lean forward. I gasp and clamp my hands over my mouth, what am I doing? What was I--oh damn my favorite pair of spandex.  
  
I knew exactly what I was doing. And I wanted to do it.   
  
I wanted to kiss Duo Maxwell.  
  
Is that wrong?  
  
To want to taste another's lips?  
  
To be tasted by them?  
  
He's asleep...  
  
What would it hurt?  
  
Should I?  
  
"Should you what?" a groggy voice wonders.  
  
I gasp again, he's awake and I said that aloud. Shimatta.  
  
Damn sleeping habits.  
  
I look down as he looks up, "Heero...?" he asks. I open my mouth but nothing will emerge from it. I'm...speechless. Though, I'm sure he half doesn't expect an answer. He sits up and cocks an eyebrow, "Hee-chan, are you okay? What are you doing on my bed?"  
  
What am I supposed to do? I was never trained for this...  
  
"Hee~ro?" he waves a hand in my face and grins.  
  
Why is he grinning?  
  
Why does he and only he confuse me?  
  
We are eye to eye with each other, my breathing is heavy and unsteady, I can hear it. Am I nervous? If so, why? All these questions without answers is giving me a headache...or maybe it's dizziness from the Duo Maxwell Syndrome that I've been intoxicated with. I can't tell. I am obfuscated by Shinigami.  
  
He pulls my head towards his until our foreheads meet, I don't hear myself breathing anymore, it's substituted by my heart pounding. Pounding faster than any battle had done, or any mission assigned. Why is it beating so fast?  
  
He hesistates, I see him smirk in his hesistation. What is he thinking? What's going on in that sly mind of his? I find it amusing, usually, I would crack the case and easily predict what my opponents are thinking. But with Duo...I can't see anything...  
  
My eyes are wide open.  
  
But I feel...blind.  
  
I am capable of bending steel.  
  
But I feel weak.  
  
What's wrong with me?  
  
I think to myself, trying to sort my musings as emotion swarms over me. I come to a reason.  
  
Duo Maxwell is not an opponent.  
  
I didn't know what to think. What am I doing? I ask myself again, what is he doing? I mentally attempted to pull away, to forget anything ever happened, but...  
  
I didn't.  
  
...I can't.  
  
I have been dropped in unknown territory, and my compass is smashed into tiny quanta, repairs are beyond impossible.  
  
I just...don't know what to think.  
  
"Don't think, Heero," I hear Duo say, "...just act."  
  
"Act?" I ask, though I don't realize I've said it out loud. How does he know my every thought? Why does he know?  
  
He grins again and places my hand on the organ in my chest pounding rapidly, "...with this." he tells me.  
  
Suddenly, his lips are on mine.  
  
Duo Maxwell is kissing me.  
  
I'm not thinking.  
  
I don't believe I am acting. I wouldn't know how to act.  
  
I don't do anything, but unwarily I end up defusing into his ways.  
  
I'm on air, it feels...pleasant. Pleasant enough that I melt into the touch almost instantly. I let out a moan as his tongue licks my lips and pries it between them. I let him in. I don't know what I'm doing. I've never been kissed. I slowly wrap my arms around his neck and he keeps a hand on the back of my head pushing it forward to his gaining more access to my willing mouth. The other arm is around my waist pulling me onto his welcoming lap.  
  
He parts so we can breathe.  
  
Panting, we look at each other, I feel heat rising within my face. He only smiles again. His hand is still on head, I can feel his fingers combing through unruly spikes, it feels...good. I don't want him to stop. I rest my chin on his left shoulder that my arms are already around. I like it here. He smells...nice despite his sweaty state. He holds me close. But why? Why would he want to do that? Why? There are so many questions that I want to ask with so little answers. I suppose I should start with why he kissed me.   
  
"Why did I kiss you?" he repeats, I nod. He pauses before answering, "You were...there."  
  
I feel a sharp twinge of pain inside me, what is it? I don't know. He kissed me because I was...there? So if anyone else was around...he would kiss them too? I felt sadden, I didn't know it was because he would kiss someone else, or if he kissed me because I was just...there.  
  
The next question pops out of my mouth, I hadn't intended on asking it, but it came out anyway, "Do you...like me?" I ask shyly.  
  
His answered is delayed again, what is he thinking about now? "...no......" he finally says.  
  
He doesn't like me...The twinge of pain inside of me sharpens, it's hard to breathe, it...hurts. And I don't know why. I suddenly regret coming to his side of the room. I shouldn't have done it, I'm so stupid. He doesn't like me. I should have expected it, I should have known it was coming, hell, I *DID* know, but I ignored it. Of course, who would like the cold soldier of a boy named Heero Yuy?  
  
No one.  
  
Damn sleeping habits.  
  
For the first time I want to...cry.  
  
But it's not anything to cry over. Really, it's not. But I feel like doing it anyway.   
  
It hurts.  
  
I lift my head from his shoulder and turn my head from his staring eyes. I don't think I can ever look at them again, it hurts too much. He gently grabs my chin in his hand and forces me to face him, I do, but my eyes are averted else where. He keeps looking at me, why? Does he want to drown me in those pools of beautiful amethyst?  
  
I feel my eyes burn. A burn that I have only felt once in my life, I blink it away. If he doesn't like me, why am I still in his arms?  
  
"Heero, what I feel for you is..." he stops himself. Frankly, I don't want him to finish his sentence, fearful of the next word. What does he feel for me?  
  
Am I a brother?  
  
Friend?  
  
Companion?   
  
Comrade?   
  
...Nothing?  
  
Which is it? What does he feel for me? Nevermind, I don't want to know. I really should have stayed on my own side of the room tonight.  
  
Damn sleeping habits.  
  
He starts himself over again, "What I feel for you is much more than like, Heero..." he stops again, what could be much more than like? What comes out of his mouth next shocks me, it's at the very bottom of my expectation list. It truly was the last thing that I would have ever expected.  
  
"I...I think I...love you........"  
  
I've misheard. That's it. He didn't say that. My hearing has been temporarily impaired for the moment from the shock of our physical contact that I have misheard him. Yes, that's it. I've miss heard him.  
  
"Ai shiteru."  
  
That, I didn't miss hear. He has fluent Japanese, and I didn't miss hear that.  
  
He loves me.  
  
I...squeak.  
  
Yes, squeak, if you could imagine that. It was unforeseen, I didn't even know what I was capable of such a pathetic sound, but apparently I am. He chuckles with soft-hearted amusement and combs one of his hands through my dark hair.  
  
I look into his violet eyes, realizing that I *can* stare into them once again. He gently kisses me and lowers me under the covers. We part and I rest my head on his chest so close that my forehead is against it. He's so warm.   
  
I know I feel something for him, but I don't know what. Maybe I do know what it is, I'm just afraid...but there's nothing to be afraid of though.   
  
"I love you too..." I whisper. I didn't mean to, but I did. I suppose it's true. Yes...yes, it is. I love Duo Maxwell.  
  
He kisses the top of my head, "I know...go to sleep."  
  
"Aa..." I replied beginning to doze off.  
  
Before I fully drift off into unconsciousness, he murmurs, "I'm no longer alone..."  
  
"Nor am I..." I breath, he tightens his embrace on me and kisses the top of my head again. I smile with my eyes shut. I realize that life ahead is going to be even shakier than it already is, now that I have someone besides myself to worry about. I know that I've made an attachment...but...  
  
Hell, screw Dr. J teachings.  
  
I know what to think, it's so clear now. And if it gets foggy, I know Duo will be there, he always has even when I didn't want him to. But I'm glad he was. He'll help me get through anything. Vice versa. Whatever he decides to do, I'll always be at his side.   
  
I have finally found someone who would lik---love the cold soldier of a boy named Heero Yuy.  
  
And Duo has found someone who would love that God known as Shinigami.  
  
Despite all that happens, my sleeping habits continue...  
  
  
~!~!~!~!~  
  
owari  
  
~!~!~!~!~  
  
  
Weeeellllll? Should I do more stuff like this, or has my musing come to an end? 


End file.
